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| personal homepages are
everywhere on the net and I love them. a peek into someone else's private life is
irresistible - why else do tabloid newspapers sell so well? perhaps I take comfort
from the fact that other people's lives appear to be just as dull as my own - truly
reassuring. yes, the personal homepage is very definitely to be encouraged.
we should all have one. however, the simple process of viewing these sites can be a
horrendously traumatic experience. so many welcome-to-my-home-on-the-web style sites are the on-line equivalent of an overly accessorised, souped-up 1985 ford escort - all superfluous alloy wheels, absurd rear spoilers and distracting fluffy dice... and that curious film stuff that you stick on the windows so people can't see in, what's that all about? what I hate about these web sites is not so much the tasteless gaudiness of it all but rather the fact that it takes so bloody long to load up the page that you can't be bothered hanging around to see if anything of interest will eventually materialise. I guarantee that if you've spent enough time on the net you'll have experienced all of the following abominations. please, no more! don't perpetuate this practice. |
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| ah, music. I love
the stuff, as you know - can't get enough of it... however, I do like to be able to choose whether or not to listen to it. therefore nothing will irritate me more than the strains of some daft shania twain song suddenly come bursting forth from my speakers. why, oh, why do people insist on putting midi music or 'scary' looping wav files on their sites. if I wanted to listen to music while I surfed, I'd turn my bloody hi-fi on. what I do not want is to be forced to listen to some terrible plinky-plonky rendition of wonderwall whilst peering into my screen. however, that people see fit to inflict this cacophony upon us is bad enough but the horrific coffee-induced scaldings that can result as the peaceful ambience of your household is suddenly blasted away to the accompaniment of i will always love you, well, that is totally inexcusable. I wish to start a campaign against this sort of thing, here and now. we already have to endure the loungecore versions of our favourite songs each time we venture into a supermarket. we need not have the experience repeated in the comfort of our own homes courtesy of the web. |
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| emoticons - that's what they're called and, well, they have their place. very handy they are when you're in the middle of your on-line chat to delectable doris from detroit and can't type quick enough ;-) but websites are totally different - you have time to type and time to think about language. you don't need to ;-( =:-0 all over the place LOL. | |
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| we don't need to have text quite this big, do we? | |
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| hEy, I'm A bIt WaCkY! I sHuN tHe CoNvEnTiOnS oF sOcIeTy AnD dEmOnStRaTe My EnDeArInG kOoKiNeSs By TyPiNg In AlTeRnAtE uPpEr CaSe AnD lOwEr CaSe ChArAcTeRs. EvEn As We SpEaK, eViL dIcTaToRsHiPs ThE wOrLd OvEr ArE dIsMaNtLiNg ThEiR hUgE aRsEnAlS iN fEaR oF mY tYpOgRaPhIcAl QuIrKiNeSs. | |
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| huge, huge image files squeezed into the size of a postage stamp so poor buggers with weedy dialup connections wait hours for it to download. spare us a thought, please? | |
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| hundreds of gaudy
animated gifs glittering all over the page - "mail me, mail me!" they
shout. aaahhh, look at the ickle dog running across the screen with his background
so white. desist!
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there is absolutely no useful purpose served by using this rippling water applet. it just makes you feel ever so slightly sick. |
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| hey look, I'm drowning! | |
| ok, so maybe I'm being a bit unfair, but you try and tell me that these things don't irritate you occasionally. LOL! ;-) | |
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